Maintaining post-college friendships that felt one-sided.

After college ended, I told myself I wouldn’t let go of the friendships I’d built. I was determined to keep in touch, to be the kind of friend who remembers, who stays in people’s lives even when life starts moving fast in different directions.

So, I kept reaching out.

A random meme to make them smile. A voice note after spotting something that reminded me of a college memory. A “let’s catch up soon?” message every couple of weeks. It wasn’t just habit, I genuinely wanted to stay connected.

But slowly, I started to notice a pattern.

I was always the one texting first. Always the one nudging, checking in, making plans. It didn’t hit me all at once but one day, while scrolling through our chat history, I realised that every single conversation began with me.

So, I decided to do a small experiment: I’d stop texting first.

Not in a petty way, not to test anyone just to see what happened if I paused. If I didn’t put in the effort for once, would anyone else?

The first couple of days felt weird. I kept reaching for my phone, half-writing messages, and then putting it down. I’d see things that made me think of them but I stopped myself. Let them think of you for once, I told myself.

A week passed. Nothing.

No “Hey, how are you?” No check-ins. No messages. One of them reacted to my story. Another sent a thumbs-up to an old message. But no real conversation. No effort.

I know people are busy, life after college isn’t exactly a breeze. But it wasn’t about being available 24/7. It was about realising that I was the only one trying to hold something together.

I’d kept telling myself we were just “growing up,” that it was normal to drift a bit. But deep down, it hurt. Because I was willing to make time, and it started to feel like they weren’t.

It made me reflect, had I been keeping some friendships alive on my own?

I didn’t confront anyone. I didn’t send a dramatic message or post a sad status. I just... let go a little. I stopped over-explaining. Stopped over-functioning. I began matching effort. And honestly? That silence, though painful, gave me peace.

Surprisingly, that space made room for others, the friends who did notice. Who checked in. Who said, “I’ve been thinking about you.” And it made those connections feel ten times more valuable.

What I learnt: Friendships need maintenance but they also need mutuality. It’s not enough to just care. You shouldn’t have to work overtime to prove your place in someone’s life. When you stop reaching out, the people who really want to stay then they will. And those who don’t? You’re better off without the weight of chasing them.