Guilty for cancelling plans?

I used to be that person who never cancelled plans. Once I said yes, it was locked in. Even if I was tired. Even if I didn’t feel like it. Even if it meant dragging myself across the city for something I wasn’t emotionally present for, I’d go.

Because somewhere deep down, I believed cancelling meant I was being a bad friend. That if I didn’t show up, I’d disappoint people. I’d be unreliable. Or worse, I’d be forgotten.

So when I cancelled plans that evening, it took everything in me.

It was just a dinner. Nothing fancy, a casual catch-up with two close friends. I had agreed a week ago, and at the time, I was genuinely excited. But that day, everything felt off. College had been draining, my head was spinning from back-to-back work from my internship which I was doing, and my social battery was fried. I knew if I went, I’d just sit there nodding, faking smiles, hoping the evening would end early.

So, I picked up my phone, typed out the dreaded message and stared at it for ten minutes before hitting send.

“Hey, I’m so sorry but I think I need to skip tonight. It’s been a rough day and I’m just not feeling like myself. Hope that’s okay.”

Immediately after, the guilt set in. I started spiralling. What if they think I don’t care? What if they stop inviting me next time? What if I ruined their evening?

I kept checking my phone for a reply like it was some kind of life-or-death situation.

Eventually, one of them replied:

“Aww, take rest. We’ll catch up another day. ❤️”

That’s it. No drama. No anger. No passive-aggressive jabs. Just... understanding.

And weirdly, that made me feel worse for a minute because it showed me how hard I was being on myself, while my friends were being so kind.

That evening, I stayed in. I made Maggi, watched a comfort movie, and went to bed early. And the next day, I felt so much better, not just physically, but emotionally. It was like I’d given myself permission to matter.

It made me realise how often we force ourselves to perform friendship to show up when we’re not fully there, just to avoid guilt. But the people who really care about you won’t hold a cancelled dinner against you. They’d rather you rest than resent.

What I learnt: Cancelling plans doesn’t make you a bad friend, it makes you an honest one. You don’t owe people your presence when you’re running on empty. The right people will understand. And the hardest part? Learning to give yourself the same kindness you so freely offer to everyone else.

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